Walking Through

Today is better. Not as good as yesterday but much better than Sunday. Sunday was a dark place full of regrets, missed opportunities and deep longing for another ending to my brother's journey with cancer.

I am so glad to be here, not there.

Today I am able to take lessons from my brother and go forward with life. That is good; that is affirming; that is living with love.

I have been thinking about how Will was able to become so talented at doing so many things, how that actual process works. When he chose a new activity, he read books on it, he talked with knowledgeable people about it, he practiced it as much as possible and he focused his mind on it. He really focused his mind on it.

Now it is my turn to really learn how to grieve and get the gift of learning how to do that activity. I have found that when I become really aware of what I am feeling that I can focus my mind on those feelings and get through them. That it is possible to walk through those deep, deep, emotions and make it to the other side. Then those emotions are less scary. That is just it - they are less scary. Because deep emotion can take me over, pull me in, and take control of everything that I am in that moment. And in the next, uncountable moments as well. But when I focus my mind I can see a way through.

What is that way? For me it is the way of love. For how could I grieve if I did not love? How can there be grief without love? When I focus my mind I can open my self to the reality of Love, of God, of Oneness, being here every moment. Even in that moment of overwhelming grief. Then I can begin to remember that Love is over all. Overwhelming grief is a reminder to turn back to Love and to turn back to resting in faith in the eternity of Love.